Alley was born when a volcano had sex with a unicorn and then exploded all over a town called Pompeii. She grew up fighting wolves and polar bears in the wilderness of North-West Indiana. She became known as the warrior goddess Alexandriasaurus-Rex. She then evolved into a Blastoise but chose not to do so and reverted back to a Squirtle. She has wings made of lazer guns and latin fire. She fights in the ninth circle of hell against the army of the gummy bears. She is currently fighting Enrique Iglecias for the title of Best Latin Ever.